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It doesn’t matter anymore January 9, 2016

Posted by Gomathi Reddy in Another Voice, Desi Indian, Love and Life, Relationships, Women and Children.
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Our lives are layered over time; sliced over interactions; they are mug shots of incidents PhotoShopped into a collage with people, places and emotions that have made us what we are. Our lives are like 21st century miniature paintings, frozen in moments, with the background resembling a 3D hologram capturing our personal journey.

Are our personal journeys innately personal?

ItDoesntMatterAnymoreWe are here, because of our interactions – forced, subtle, vociferous, natural, calming or whatever – with all those individual pieces of that Photoshopped collage.  We interact even with things & places – everything evokes a response, an emotion and changes something within us.

Did you ever observe even dead rocks can evoke strong emotions in us? Do you think they are communicating with us, and they aren’t really dead? Is it possible that they are much more alive than any of us; it’s more like they’ve attained a state of “nirvana” and that they don’t have a compelling need to prove anything anymore, to any of us? Are they just observing us with their stoic silence? – I always wonder….

I’ve experienced strong emotions and connect with huge mountains and boulder rocks. It’s like “I’ve been part of you, so many zillion years ago, and I am now staring at you with eyes welling up” kind of feeling – The Tirumala mountain range, the Sri Kalahasthi mountains….any of these as I drive past them, force me to spend some time with them. I do. Just staring at them wells up a sense of awe, and emotions that are not word-worthy.

I connect with water too – Whether it’s the Godavari brimming to its full or the Brahmaputra shimmering away to glory and threatening to drown me any moment; or the Chennai Marina sea, every time I watch those water bodies – they all smile, laugh, dance, threaten, entice, engulf, caress, long for me, kiss me and let go of me.

All those emotions run through me, so naturally – One Rock Solid and the other, Naturally Fluid! To me, they are individual entities establishing a strong bonding with me, yet they are also metaphoric of all the relationships I experience in my life – Rock Solid and Naturally Fluid ones. I am sure I’ll continue to paint the landscape of my life, way until I experience the bright white light of the mind. Until then this mind will continue to experience the Cyan, Magenta, Yellows and Blacks (CMYK in printer lingo) of life.

In this journey, my mind has learnt to sift through good and bad experiences; a few have contributed to positive emotions and hence positive thought; a few have walled up as negative emotions. But there is no denying that both exist in all of us. That brings me back to the question – Are our personal journeys, really personal? Can it ever be personal in a crowd-sourced landscape called life?

When what we are, isn’t really a personal thing, the contributors being so many, can we exclude a few people or incidents out of our landscape? Is it possible to remove those bad experiences out of your life and mind, knowing pretty well that they have delivered the strongest lessons in your life? Is it possible to get away from memories of those people who’ve created or contributed to those bitter experiences, more like selective amnesia, when the lessons they left in you have transformed you into something else? If all we want is a healthy life – body and mind – then can blocking out a few people and incidents out of your mind, be deemed healthy? I am not sure if any of these questions qualify to have a YES. But my responses are a feeble NO, though I wish otherwise.

Does that mean that you can go back and establish a relationship with them again, as the new YOU? Will they be able to deliver new lessons to you, as you’ve evolved into something else now, and probably they too have?  Can you connect with them, without bordering on past experiences?  Most certainly YES, because you’ve learnt your lessons from them, and so have they.

But they will be of no use to your personal journey, anymore.

It’s like going back to your Grade VII teacher, when you’re way past your post doctoral research – You can go back as a mark of reminiscing what you were in Grade VII – Its more about punctuating your personal evolution with a hyphen; with a smile; with affection and acknowledging that teacher who believed in being sadistic and cruel to you; its acknowledging that person’s micro role in your growth, but there will be nothing new to learn from that person now. You just have to let go of those relationships, because they’ve come into your life to deliver something and they have, and with that their power over you to deliver a lesson is gone.

You have evolved and your personal journey has no place for repetitive patterns; you have so much more to explore; your choice should now be about being Rock Solid, in the face of Naturally fluid new relationships.

It would be wiser to just let go of the past landscape and people, and whatever they mean to you, because they really don’t matter anymore!

If they really do, they’d not be standing opposite you, waiting to be painted; wanting to be part of your 3D hologram.

But they’d be walking by your side with confidence, in confidence.

Because even for them, the past doesn’t matter anymore.

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1. It doesn’t matter anymore | Gomathi Reddy - January 9, 2016

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