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Never in the woods January 5, 2012

Posted by Gomathi Reddy in Desi Indian, Love and Life, Personal, Relationships.
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Well, I am back after a long break.  I guess I needed it just to recoup and get a sense of what I am going through.  The silence has helped me define my perspectives to life, hopefully in a better sense, and is making me feel like a jerk on my perspectives about others.  Yet, I just can’t stop this thing that keeps running in my head – about people, situations, their perspectives about their world, and mine about them and in turn my world!

Before I think I don’t want any of it, they are fast becoming words in my head and if I don’t blurt it out, there is this huge energy within me shaking me up, like some kind of a child’s rattle asking me to do the inevitable – Write it down!

The latest ones to stir me up this way are my experiences at the district magistrate court.  I wanted to share these experiences with men and women – Women who think that they want their rights and men who think that they can dole it to them in percentages that fits them ; Women who believe they are victims and men who believe they are the ones who are innocent; Women who believe they are abused and men who believe the same; Women who’ve tried to make their marriages work and men who don’t believe in marriages; Women who think that the system will protect them and men who believe that it is all lopsided in favour of the woman – Well, generally all men and women who are in this institution called “marriage.”

A short piece of advice:

If you are planning to get into it, please be sure of only one thing – Everything changes, including the attitude of your spouse – for good or for worse.  Even expression of love changes, evolves.  Marriage takes a lot to keep it going.  Even if one-hundreth of you isn’t ready for it, don’t get into it.  This is true for both the guys and the girls.

If you are already into it, please make it work – Both of you! Everyone and everything else is noise – Just shut it out of your little nest, and build your world with care for each other.  Nothing else matters.

If you have lost it somewhere, despite all your efforts – Get out of it with dignity.  Talk it out and flush it out of your system with dignity.  And if there are children involved, treat them and their feelings with compassion. Help them understand that they and their interests will be protected, immaterial of what happens.  And learn to step aside from your world as individuals and respect the child’s need to feel loved.

I know that doesn’t sounds like a short piece of advice! But I had to share it – Because I am going through a phase – A phase that no woman of my sensitivity should go through. It’s awfully painful to see that what you believed to be your nest, something that you so warmly and lovingly built stands shredded and ripped apart.

It is hard to accept that today only the numbers of who contributed what (and documented) matters to the family and the system. It is driving me insane when everyone in the chain asks me these questions – How much have you saved out of your earnings? Haven’t you? What are the assets in your name? How stupid of you …why didn’t you get that real estate for which you contributed registered in your name? How much did you earn all these years? You are an educated woman, why did you allow him to save his money and spend all your money? I have no answers that they’d like to hear.

I got into this marriage because I wanted to build my loving family.  I wanted my nest.  I thought spending hard-earned money on things that could bring cheer to my little nest were more important. I was never bothered about the gold, silver and infrastructure bonds that all “sane” people invest rather I invested in cheer to build bonds within the family.

But looks like yes, I’ve spent – spent time, money, emotions and love – only to feel used and spent! I am trying to see the humour in life, trying my best to stay in the present and go through the process of seeking justice, for my child.

I want to share my experiences, so that those few who read this blog, will understand the system for what it is; those few who think that they can take refuge or seek justice will think twice before knocking its doors.

Yet, since I am at its doors, I’ve gained enough resilience to go through the grind.  I believe that the Indian Legal System is just a small window to the Universal law of Justice.  I believe that even if the Indian Legal System shoves, shuts and smothers people like me, the Universal law of justice will take over some time.

And I still believe no man or woman, who invests in love with sincerity, will ever be in the woods!



1. gabmsn - January 6, 2012

I wish you all the blessings in the world, and Justice too.
(been there, still living it, the injustices to me and my two kids had only summed, not diminished, mainly because man lie with all the teeth they have…)

Gomathi Reddy - January 6, 2012

Thank you so much. Let men lie, hate and do all the nasty things they can. Yet, I am sure, you and your kids will win in the long run. You have your kids and they have you – that is the greatest blessing, for now. All other justice will follow, soon. My prayers are with you. With all warmth,


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