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That One Of A Kind Relationship! August 2, 2010

Posted by Gomathi Reddy in Desi Indian, General, Love and Life.
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1st August 2010- 11:30 pm

I’ve always been a big flop with relationships.  I’ve never understood them.  They leave me puzzled, hurt, isolated and back into my shell.  Those who really know me understand that my chirpy mask has another hollow side to it too, and that over so many summers and winters of life I’ve come to believe that I am better off, alone.  So this evening, after clearing off all my to-dos for the day, and when I was all by myself, what do you think I did? I sat down to analyze my favourite topic – Relationships.

Not knowing where to start, because the only “relationship” that I have ever analyzed is part of my research work for submitting my Doctoral dissertation, I started Googling and I landed up on this site. And when I read some of the very basic theory definitions from the language on research, “relationships,” took on a whole new turn and I was back with my smile. Take a look:

Theory: A relationship refers to the correspondence between two variables.

Real Life: Oh, la, la…yes, it is true.  But “correspondence” can mean anything from love sonnets to long silences, from complete surrender to complete lies, from heart-warming love to life-shattering truths.  So there goes the human element.

Theory: Types of relationships can be written in 2 ways – Nature of it and Pattern of it.

Real Life: True in real life too.  The nature of it can vary from just pure, unadulterated friendship to third-rated debauchery. The pattern of it can vary from serenity & peace, to romance to complete nonsense, right from the word go.  We like to stick to definitions, huh?

Theory: While Correlational Relations depend only on the two variables, and they perform in a synchronized manner, a Casual Relationship is not only dependent on these two variables, but is also caused by a third variable.

Real Life: I know this definition needs some real-life tell tales.  A Correlational Relationship is just the normal, goody-goody, clichéd, all-is-well-that-ends-well type of relationship.  You know the kind  –  where good triumphs over evil; where the thin waif-like hero bashes the Arnie-type villain to rescue the girl of his dreams and they live happily ever after; where they build that one-off little home, at the outermost suburb of the Central Business District(CBD), without any debts left to handle as the hero nears his retirement age, and he considers that to be his greatest achievement of life, and decides to harp about it, all the rest of his living life, and make it unbearable for everyone else in the house – all these types of “winners” have a Correlational Relationship with their partners. Everything is in-sync and everyone knows what the result is going to be.  Not very interesting – but this is what, I am given to believe, everyone strives for.  This too is in-sync with the theoretical definition. Now get ready for the tango …

The Casual Relationship is not only dependent on these two variables, but also on a third variable – Ahem.  This gets interesting.  Now, the third variable can be anything – your ambition, your money, your power, your position, your mother, your mother-in-law, your children, your new interest(can be anything from learning new skills to that next door PYT) in life, your perceived soul-mate…well anything other than the other “variable” in your life. Suddenly life looks interesting or depressing, depending on which side of the lakshman rekha you are in. Suddenly there is a zing to it, and you don’t care about the good or bad, right or wrong tags that come attached to these things.  Suddenly you hear the song of your heart and you are thrilled to be there.  Suddenly you realize that this is close to being yourself. Suddenly you understand that life is all about living it NOW, not the past or the future, and you begin to savour every moment of it.

Then someone points out to you that you are in a “casual relationship,” and that it has no permanency to it.  And you simply disagree.  How can something so good and real, be “casual?”  You get very philosophical too – everything in life is transient, so why bother? Something must be wrong with the “theory,”  you even rationalize.  Is it safe to accept theory or is life all about NOT believing in definitions, and just living it up?

A lot depends on who you are, what that other person is, and what you are willing to give away for that one-of-a-kind relationship.

I realized, understanding life is about being able to smile not just at the theory, but at all the outcomes of life – Casual and Correlational – without losing your sense of self.

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