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Missing In Action July 30, 2010

Posted by Gomathi Reddy in Desi Indian, General, Love and Life, News and Current Affairs, Women and Children.
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I haven’t updated my blog for quite a while now.  Actually no guilt, until I got a call from my friend this morning.  She had to remind me that it was I the one who was missing in action, and not Ode32.  I realized how very caught up I was in all the things that I was into, and didn’t make time for this once-a-day scrap-book.  That was bad.

For all those who were concerned about Ode32, a few words about her – with her permission.  She is fine and has moved to Chennai from her hometown Bangalore.  She has moved with her child, for good.  It has been a traumatic period for her and a tough one for me.  When she contacted me over phone, I could only grasp from that muffled voice, a mirage of images. The next couple of days zipped past me, with a sea of emotions – the feeling of being responsible for another woman who believes that I can be her clutch during her most trying moments of life, the burden of steering someone’s life choices, and the concern, if her future will throw up more unbridled questions on whether I presented the right choices to her.

Ode32 comes with some good education and business analysis credential, an affluent background but a marriage, which could’ve been better for all concerned. Marrying and living with an active politician is difficult, but having to live with an incompatible soul gets tougher when you have nowhere to go, including your own parents because your actions could damage their business interests with your husband…all of this can be a bit overwhelming, if your marriage has gone wrong.   That is essentially her story.  I remember her as a chirpy, fun-loving person whom I met, almost a decade back at an Intel Developer’s Conference at Bangalore.  That she has kept track of me and my ID was a surprise.  That she decided to talk and confide in me, in the last few years, because of the anonymity I came with, left me with a solemn feeling.  That she decided to step out, when she could not bear with the physical and mental trauma anymore, was an important decision for her.  That she decided to move to Chennai, where she had very few friends, and counted upon me as someone close, who is capable of suggesting remedial action was, to say the least – humbling.  Three months up and she is slowly settling into a job, her parents are down here trying to help her set up home, and things are being worked out in the interest of the child.

But what is this institute called marriage?  What is missing in today’s marriages? Why do we have to try so hard to make it work?  Are there no happy marriages, anymore?  Why is there so much incompatibility and why can’t the concerned people think about the children?  When a woman is battered, physically, emotionally and mentally, children are the worst sufferers – Will you call the child help line or the woman’s help line in such situations? It is a serious situation, if you go by the divorce trends with major upward swings. Do we call this new uprising, “empowerment of women?” Or do we do just look at it as greater internalization of human rights issues, by the individual? What are these marriages infringing – personal security, personal rights or just pure basic need to live in peace?

I wish I had answers.

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